I just recently bought myself the canon 50mm 1/.4 lens and... I think my life can never be the same. I'll never use my 1.8 again. I don't even want to use the kit lens ever again. It is so clean and crisp. I felt like a little kid when I clicked the 'confirm purchase' button on ebay. Last year I used my whole tax return for school, this year I decided to treat myself. I also got a new battery and car charger for it which I'm super excited about. For maybe... a year (eek) the battery has been completely drained so on a 'full charge' it works for an hour max. You can imagine how annoying that is. It made me bummed and not want to take pictures at all. For some reason I thought that batteries were super expensive but I found my new kit for under $20.

I dragged (not really) Rick out to the snow with me so I could try it out, and it did not disappoint. I've taken some pictures of the puppies with it but haven't ventured outdoors. I wanted to take some smoking-a-wood-pipe-in-the-woods photos but we ended up snapping only a couple of shots because it was freezing, and we hadn't intended on traveling into Tahoe. I was in a light sweater and he had boat shoes on. I was imagining myself hiking and doing a lot more... rigorous activity, but with Monday being a holiday, everybody and their Uncle Bob was out in the snow. I don't like being around crowds of people and they love to gawk at you when you take pictures like you're some kind of sideshow freak, so we kept driving around to the south side of Tahoe.













That last one is super grainy, but I just love him.

xo

These photos came out a little grainy/out of focus. I dropped my 50mm lens that I've had for years and now it won't auto focus for me, so I have to manually focus everything and when I turn it a certain way, it gets 'stuck' and I have to almost force it to turn. I bought it for $50 off of Amazon a couple of years ago but for some reason I can't seem to find one for under $90. It's one of those things that you don't really want to drop a hundred bucks on, especially before Christmas, so I've put off replacing it and have just dealt with it's issue. Rick tries his best for outfit photos (although theres a slight grumble sometimes:) ) but I think with the combination of it being dusk & my poor lens not working properly I'll have to redo the outfit I wore. I wasn't totally in love with it either so maybe thats a good thing :)







The last four are from my phone, overall we didnt take very many pictures. I was hoping to go back soon, hopefully before Halloween, since it's currently snowing and I think snowy cemetery pictures would be 1000x cooler. Virgina City is a sleepy little town once you get away from the main street. I had been there when I was a kid and only remembered once I saw it again earlier this year. Rick took me when we were seeing each other, before I moved here. It has it's charms but on this particular day there were all sorts of people out and about for pre-halloween 'festivities'. I'd love to have a drink and mill around the town, but most people were hovering in and outside of the casino and I do not do casinos, at all. There's nothing appealing to me about losing my hard earned money and being surrounded by loud, drunk people. I went to Vegas for the first time in January and my anxiety skyrocketed. I know not everybody who goes to Vegas is going to get absolutely trashed, I had a couple of drinks myself, but I know my limit plus I have a fairly high tolerance to it. Anybody who took me out for my birthday can verify that it took quite a few drinks for me to get buzzed. And once it gets past the warm fuzzy feeling, it's not much fun for me anyway. I hate everything that city had to offer and couldn't wait to get away from the noise and people stumbling into me. The lights, noise, people, aura... just aren't for me. Reno is much quieter and the parties stay in the casinos, for the most part. I'm not particularly fond of this town either, but it has it's perks. I've only been in one of the casinos and couldn't seem to find entertainment in the 18 year olds dancing for old men, or the stomach for the smells coming from further inside. It just seems so juvenile to be 30 and completely wasted when there's so many cooler things you could be doing. Maybe I'm an old maid before my time, but I went clubbing when I was younger and got as close to drunk as my wallet could afford and those days are long over. I walk into the casinos and it's like nobody grew up. Maybe I'm just partial to the days my sisters and I would grab drinks at The Goodfoot in Portland, and dance to James Brown and Queen. Either way, it's hard to be invited to events that are centered around drinking and tons of people and have to find a nicer way to tell your friends you're just not interested. It sounds like I'm a prude, but honestly, it's not healthy. I don't have a lot of extra money to spend, so spending it on a couple of beers and a cool show in an intimate venue is way more appealing to me. Unfortunately cool shows here are few and far between so my options are limited. Rick and I had a date when we first started going out at one of the casinos in Tahoe, but it was pretty small and it was nice to people watch, have a beer, and enjoy the band. That memory is much fonder to me than any time we've spent in one of the larger casinos. Even when I was in Vegas, I much rather enjoyed sitting in the quieter, darker part of the floor with my aunt and drinking wine. Maybe it's just testament to the fact that I enjoy simpler things and am a huge hermit!

Having a dog has been one grand adventure. I have always had dogs growing up, one of my best and worst memories are when we had 3 dogs under one roof. One was a lab, another a springer spaniel, and the other was some sort of big eared chihuahua mutt. It's odd, to try and correlate my feelings for Rontu to my feelings for those dogs. They were just, there, and I poked and played and rolled around in the grass with them as if they were my greatest friends. It wasn't until we lost Bear, and my mom told me my dad cried when he took him to be put down, that I realized they really were friends and there's an emotional connection to them. It's that point when you have a goldfish, and when you see it floating upside down in it's tank you cry... but not because you miss it necessarily, because in your 4 year old mind it's a toy. And you're not quite sure what feelings or love is yet. Until you can understand that your dog is licking you because it loves you, or rests it's head on your lap. I have always loved animals and go absolutely crazy when I see any dog within sight distance. I don't care much for smaller dogs, but I will give them all of the pets and rubs I can if they come up to me. I have always had cats too, and my plan for tricking Rick into letting me have one is well under way. It pretty much involves me bringing home a kitten and saying that there was a little girl with a box of them outside of the grocery store (that actually happened once, I have many kitten-acquiring stories). My kittens came and went, and it never really phased me when they were no longer in my life. I did miss them, and I cried night after night into my pillows. But cats can be unpredictable, and its not common for them to up and leave when they're ready. I have always accepted that.
Despite my many dogs and cats throughout the years, nothing could have prepared me for the joy and love I've learned from having Rontu. Her mom was an american staffordshire, and we're not sure what the dad is, but the vet said most likely cattle dog. She has spots and her brothers and sisters have the speckled coat and shorter legs like cattle dogs. She's the only one who really resembled her mother. She is so incredibly smart, and such a huge cuddle bug. I have cried tears into her neck and hugged her so tight she yelps. I've learned her facial expressions and get never ending joy from saying the words 'bites' and 'ball' just to see her perk her ears up. She runs to the door when I tell her Rick is coming home. She barks in her sleep and likes to hop in the bathtub when you're taking a shower. I made her swim in the river when she was probably too young, and I've learned that devoting yourself to something that is terribly helpless without you gives you the greatest sense of humility. She can do nothing for me, yet she does everything. She keeps me company when I'm home alone, and keeps me safe when I have to sleep alone. She destroys shoes and likes to pee on the bed sometimes, but she absolutely melts my heart and I can never tire of kissing her sweet face.
I picked her out of a surprise litter from a coworker's foster dog, and I picked the best one, I'm positive. Before my moving to Nevada was even a for sure thing, I told Rick that I had found him a dog and didn't really wait for him to say yes or no. He had lost his old dog months earlier and normally people like to wait a little while, but it was the right time. Rontu and I would drive up to see him on the weekends and she could fit in a hat box on the front seat. And seeing the two of them cuddle? Forget about it, my heart cant take it. It's been 8 months of absolute joy.

I haven't been blogging for a week or so, actually I haven't been able to do much of anything lately. I split my knuckle open while using a can opener. I know, it's silly when I think about it now... I'm pretty sure I laughed when it happened, I usually laugh when I get hurt or laugh when someone else does out of nervousness. I didn't want to look at it until I cleaned it up but I guess I hurt it pretty bad. Rick came to my rescue and made a splint and wrapped it for me, so going to work and trying to type on the computer or do much of anything was difficult for a few days. I can get away with just having a bandaid on it for now, but I accidentally bend it too much here and there. Ohh well!
We packed a bag and our pup and headed up to see Rick's parents last weekend. I was feeling a little under the weather but I tend to feel better once we're on the road and doing something. They live in a secluded, woodsy town not far from Redding. It really is a magical place and the first time I saw their property I fell in love. It's Rick's property according to the living will (is that even what it's called? No idea..) and he talks all the time about moving back and helping with the farm. His parents have a plethora of animals including chickens, goats, pigs, rabbits, cats, as well as the family dogs and even a guinea pig named Rascal. It's always foreign to me when I'm in the middle of family gatherings, or families in general. I was adopted when my parents were in their 40s so my older brother was out of the house a couple of years after I was adopted, leaving me with just my parents most of the time. There are good things and bad things about growing up an 'only child,' but I always wished I had more socializing. We lived 20 minutes away from where most of my friends were so going to each other's houses was few and far between. I was blessed to have been able to travel with my parents to Europe and different states, but I didn't get to see any real family other than Christmas usually. We would visit my grandma in LA a couple of times a year but the only family that lived close were my brother and my mom's parents, and even then we didn't hang out with them that often, at least that I remember. We moved to a completely new town when I was 10 and I had to start over and make new friends, which is difficult when you're a weird homeschooler from a small town. Anyway, when I first met Rick's family I reached my arm out to shake hands and his aunt said oh no, we give hugs here! It's been interesting seeing how different families interact with each other and see how close everyone is. It makes me miss my brother and sister-in-law and the kids, there was a short time where I lived with them and was spending most of my time with them.











Being here makes me long for a simpler life; my life is pretty simple, but you know what I mean. I want nothing more than to grow a garden, cook food for everyone, and take care of animals while I have the freedom to do other hobbies I enjoy. I like to work hard and I can only imagine the sense of worth and accomplishment one gets from working a garden and cooking all home grown meals. Among other things.. one day..

The title is a little silly. I shouldn't say I miss Portland, but Oregon or even the whole pacific northwest. I moved there a few years ago and leaving was always a big regret. I had my reasons, and they were good ones, but it's times like these where we're starting to get the first few rains of the season and leaves are turning colors, that I miss it the most. If I could be in love with a place, it's the northwestern corner of the united states. I had never felt 'at home' until I moved there, and maybe it's because I was born in a hospital right in the middle of town, but I felt like I was supposed to be there. And I was! I met my 5 sisters and family I didn't even know I had (more on that later..), I felt like I could be myself for the first time and nobody would bat an eye because everyone is a little quirky. I met some amazing people and some interesting ones. Had adventures and just as much fun listening to records on the front porch. I had the most fun traveling up and down the coast of Oregon and into Washington, being in my sister's wedding in Tacoma, exploring the woods and coast and tiny towns. I didn't know I had been searching for the feeling of 'being home' until I was there. I moved in with my sister two months after meeting her for the first time and had a blast! Spontaneous photo shoots, midnight parties, baking and cooking with each other. Hot summer days and nights in the most amazing house I've ever lived in. It took me awhile to realize that the feeling I had, of feeling at home, was only because I was at peace with myself and my life. I had a large missing chunk of my life filled and questions answered when I met my sisters. I was happy with who I was and where I was going. I can always try to find the good in every situation, but when you live in such a beautiful and perfect place it's hard to leave. Once I did leave I found myself comparing everything to Oregon (my friends would say what, we have forests in california - please!), and had a hard time adjusting back to being home. It's taken me years to learn that it's just a place, it will always be there, and I can always visit - or move there again if I choose! I felt stuck in one place and it felt like the possibility of ever moving back was becoming less and less. I slipped into a huge cloud of depression and had to keep from looking at pictures of my family I left, and the place I had loved so much. It became a sort of place marker in time - when I finally felt happy with myself, felt most accepted by everyone I met, and met family I so desperately needed to meet.

It's taken a lot of thinking and evaluating, and I've come to accept that just like I had the time of my life then, moving on and creating new memories, with new faces and new situations can be just as exciting. I mean, I met the love of my life and we have a wonderfully silly puppy, good jobs, good friends, and Nevada isn't exactly the same as Oregon - but there are parts I've already come to love about it. There's new opportunities on the horizon and I don't have to experience them alone this time. The feeling of being 'at home' can be anywhere, as long as I'm happy with my myself, my life and the people in it. Even in not so ideal living situations, I'm most peaceful cuddling on the couch with Rick and our pup, and that's when I feel most at home. I don't have to look through pictures longingly when I miss it now, I can look back and appreciate the time that I spent but I'm also able to look forward to new memories and new adventures.

We eat a lot of fish. We also catch that fish from the Truckee river (well, R does, I used to until I got busted for no license - woops)and go fairly often. It was maybe two or three months ago when Rontu had her first river experience (she fell in, I cried, a lot) but now she's a strong swimmer and absolutely loves running into the water to fetch her ball, sticks, rocks, whatever. I was feeling under the weather this morning and was reluctant to go, but was glad I got some sunshine :)

We met a lovely deer friend also!